THE SILENT VICTIMS- MEN WHO SUFFER ABUSE

An encounter this year made me have to look a little more closely at what it is like for a man, which in turn speaks for many others around the world who are, or may be enduring abusive relationships from their partners. Yes, women too can be abusive in ways that are subtle or obvious and even plain aggressive or violent.

I call them the silent victims because, it seems almost unbelievable that a man who is supposed to represent masculinity, the protector and guardian of the opposite sex can actually be abused in ways that are unimaginable by his partner who is generally seen as the weaker sex, many endure this abuse silently for many reasons, some which include a sense of shame, helplessness, the presence of children in the marriage, fear of the unknown amongst others.

Without further ado, I present some of the ways women abuse their partners:

·    Estranging them from their family and friends – The woman is always unwelcoming to the family or friends of her husband, she can be out rightly rude or make them feel unwelcomed by refusing to attend to them or leaving the home once they arrive. She will continue to do this until his friends and family cease to visit. Irrespective of her attitude she expects and even demands that her husband be welcoming to her own family or friends. The husband soon becomes distant from friends or family whose animosity stems from his wives’ behaviour, some feel angry toward him seeing him as unable to handle his wife or his home.

·  Embarrassing him in private and in public – The abusive wife deliberately embarrasses her husband, she can belittle him either privately or publicly, such as through using his weaknesses. She can do this by out rightly over riding the authority he should naturally uphold in certain situations. An example is that, in public a wife may be required to let her husband speak or take a decision, not because she does not have a say but it is what is best at the time, instead she takes charge of the situation so authoritatively that the husband feels intimidated and embarrassed, which becomes obvious to all that are present.

·    Turning the children against him – Here the woman, irrespective of the age of her kids, constantly makes the kids’ father look like a villain, in an attempt to make the children hate him.

·    Manipulative behaviour – Though as stated earlier she might have created animosity between her husband’s friend and family, she however picks a select few maybe from her husband’s family when she wants someone to dance to her tone. If for some reason her husband tries to fight back and rebel against her ways, she might harm herself and report to these select few she has wrapped around her finger who probably have no idea about her manipulative character, hence they will take sides with her seeing her husband as the wrong one.

·     Psychological abuse – She can constantly run down her man, that his sense of self and value begins to wane, she abuses him verbally so often that his self-confidence is eroded. He might even begin to believe he is some of the things she alleged he is.

·        Never a helpmate- She does not offer help to her man in anyway, be he in need of financial or physical help, she turns away from him, and he has to seek help from other sources. She can go as far as making it known to him that she knows he needs help but she is not going to help and she shows her delight at his helplessness.

·        Physical abuse – For some women they push their abuse to extremes, where they become physical, they can really hit their husbands for simply refusing to respond to them, or choosing to do something contrary to their wishes, she may use an object to attack him or through any other physical means. If the husband should in anyway fight back or rescue himself, she still gets to shout foul play since many believe it is women who are always victims of physical abuse.

Men in situations like this may feel trapped where the marriage was sealed in a court, they find it hard to get out, I am not saying a court marriage is the issue here but it makes the terms that would be involved if separation were to occur so much more rigorous, he man may lack the many powers such as financial strength that could make him pursue separation from such a woman. Some also have the fear of what children from broken homes turn out to be like, hence they fear leaving such a union for the sake of their children.

The bottom line is there are truly men who suffer abuse, some do find a way out others just keep living one day at a time. 

Photo Credit: Montville Counseling Center

About Our Guest Writer Maryam Abdulrasheed is an introvert. She loves to read a lot and write on topics relating to health, relationships and family life. She blogs @ www.yourhealthattitude.com